So Circuit City is continuing their charade.  This time a dude meets the sexy television at a coffee shop.  This is just going too far.  Maybe the whole thing will culminate as follows:

(Older man shows up at house in a nice suburban neighborhood.  Walks up to the front door, it’s open.)

Man:  Hello?

Sexy TV: (In background) Come on in!

(Man looks around, likes what he sees.  Picks up a family picture and studies it.)

Man:  I see you get your resolution from your mom.

Sexy TV:  (Now yelling from upstairs) Thanks!  Have a seat in the kitchen, I’ll be down in a second!

(Man sits down, nervously tapping his foot on the ground.  He hears someone come down the stairs.  But instead of Sexy TV, it’s television’s own, Chris Hansen in a Circuit City uniform.  Man stands up, frightened.)

Chris Hansen:  Please, sit down.

(Man nervously sits down.)

Chris Hansen:  Did you realize that the television you’ve been speaking with is under 18″?  That’s barely classifiable for a high-definition television set.  And you were willing to pay how much for that TV?  Nevermind, do not answer the question, you sicken me.  A man of your age should be going for above 18″ televisions.  You should be getting your money’s worth.  Instead you’re throwing it all away on a cheap thrill.

(Chris Hansen gets in the man’s face.)

Chris Hansen:  You can’t believe everything you read on the internet.  Especially if it’s coming from a Sexy TV.

(Man makes a break for the front door.  Chris Hansen tasers him.  Circuit City logo flashes on the screen.)

Has anyone seen the new Circuit City commercial where this guy is talking to a woman on the phone, saying how he wants to come pick her up?  And there’s some underlying sexual tension?  But then cut to the woman and it’s actually a flat screen television and a Circuit City employee is holding up the phone so the TV can talk.  And the TV has legs.  Which are crossed to give it an oh so feminine touch.  Then the dude goes to Circuit City to pick up the TV which is walking around.  And he awkwardly waves at…it.  Then proceeds to make love to it and produces tiny television/people hybrids.

No wonder Circuit City is screwed.  Promoting man on electronics love.  For shame.

I saw these images at Blockbuster earlier today when I tried to rent “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.” The guy in front of me in line was renting about 10 movies and 2 videogames. I kid you not. And of course he had the last copy of “Forgetting Sarah Marshall.” What a dick. But just soak up these images for a second.

What’d you think? If you’re confused, they are pictures of cardboard cutouts from “The Dark Knight” that Blockbuster sells. Blockbuster obviously knows what we’re thinking. “Where could I possibly use these cutouts?”

“Good question! Hey consumer! Here are some perfect examples/situations for you to use creepy-ass cardboard cutouts of Batman and Joker from “The Dark Knight!”

Don’t get me wrong, I love “TDK” (as I will refer to it from now on). “TDK” is probably one of, if not THE, best movies of all time. Yeah, that’s right. BUT I do not consider a cardboard cutout to the side of my bed a GOOD idea. Geez, he’s not even up against the wall. He’s standing next to that bed, waiting for you to sleep so he can put a smile on your friggin’ face. And just look at that bedroom again. That looks like the bedspread my grandparents probably use. Put the Joker next to their bed and they would probably freak the hell out. And I can say this since they do not use the crazy world wide web.

The Batman cutout makes a tiny bit more sense, but the picture still cracks me up. Batman is one of the darkest superheroes around, and here he is hanging out at Billy’s birthday party, surrounded by balloons, colorful plates and furnishings.

“Happy Birthday, Billy. How old are you this year?”

“Six, Mr. Batman.”

“Six? Why you don’t look a day over 5!” Grabs Billy, pins him up against the wall, holds a birthday candle dangerously close to his face.

“I swhear tah Gahd, Meester!”

“SWEAR TO ME!” Blows out the candle, throws Billy into the cake.

All kidding aside, we all know it’s just a cardboard cutout of Batman, no one’s going to get hurt. Now Billy, go get your picture taken with Batman’s cod-piece.

So I went to the Beck show last night.  It only took me about 2 hours to get to the show.  I am a moron.  After leaving my apartment on time, I waited for a bus to take me to a red line stop.  The bus did not come for about 15 minutes.  Once the extremely packed bus arrived, I squeezed on and stood up in the middle.  Which looking back is funny since the same exact thing happened on “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.”  Highlarious.  After a herky jerky bus ride, I ran into the el stop, ran down the stairs and just barely caught the redline train heading north.  Friggin’ slick.  I even secured my own seat.  Slicker.

While on the train, a friend of mine who was also heading to the show texted me about my plans.  And then he texted me asking for the start time.  I thought to myself “You idiot, it says the time on your f*cking ticket…MY TICKET!!!!  NOOOOOOOO!!!”  I was at the Wilson stop on the redline and I had left my ticket alllllll the way back in Wicker Park.

So THEN I hopped off, told the friends I was meeting up with to cancel the food I had them order for me, grabbed a close to $20 cab ride home, grabbed my ticket and began my journey again.  This time while walking to the bus stop, I was able to view it zoom past in the distance.  So I did what any person who is in tennis shoes and decent shape should, I ran my ass off after it.  Chased the bus down the block, wished for red lights, and after about two blocks, I caught that damn bus.  Damn I’m slick.  Got to the red line stop, and instead of catching it just in time, I waited for close to 10 minutes.  Had to yet again squeeze into a crowd, this time on the train filled with Cubs fans.  Two hours, a cancelled cheeseburger and close to $25 spent, I arrived, right on time.

I’m just way too used to shows where I show up and am on the will call list.  Add a ticket to the procedure and look at me get all thrown off.

Oh yeah, and Beck was good.  He didn’t play “Debra,” but I was highly entertained and was somehow able to forget about the mess I went through.

I heart German beer. I also heart sauerkraut. Any celebration that combines the too is quite alright with me. Had a Sam Adams Octoberfest yesterday during a bar review. I wanted to keep the glass, but that would be against my code of ethics. But it’s funny that an American brewery makes one of the best Octoberfest brews.

Quite the hard task, since I feel like mesh sponges, (or loofas), are lame and meant for girls.  Me, I use a rag.  But if someone came out with a sponge that looked like this, I may change my mind.  (Click image for full size)

Haspoungen!

My office building currently resembles a moon bounce due to roof construction.

Picked up a Chicago Public Library card today. Friggin exciting. Checked out Television “Marquee Moon,” MBV “Loveless” (needed a better copy), Peter Gabriel “1″ and American Psycho (will be my fifth book since I moved here a couple months ago). Thank you, public transportation.

Blogging on my phone. This could be cool. Right? I suppose we’ll see. As cool as me in Cobra Kai gear? Doubtful.